About Nancy Zare: Dr. Nancy Zare is a sales psychologist, holding an MSW in Organizational Planning and Development and a Ph.D. in Social Work and Organizational Development from Boston College. She is also a founder of multiple ventures, including Rapport Builderz, which helps salespeople develop relationships with prospects that lead to new business, and the author of several books. She helps her clients learn the right words and know the right approach to attract new businesses without appearing “sales-y.” Using her knowledge of human behavior and experience in sales, she started Rapport Builderz, where she advises service-based entrepreneurs on how to prospect online, generate leads, open sales conversations, follow up, and get hired. Check out the latest episode of our Conversational Selling podcast to learn more about Nancy.
In this episode, Nancy and Nancy Zare discuss the following:
- AlikeAbility System for turning prospects into clients
- Four personality styles and how they influence communication and decision-making
- Techniques for quickly identifying a prospect’s communication style
- The intersection of psychology and sales
- Use of spirituality to enhance communication and connection in sales
- Emphasis on focusing on the buyer’s perspective rather than just the selling process
Key Takeaways:
- Once you know their style, you’re ready to connect their language quickly and authentically, which can translate into doing business together.
- The more you understand how that buyer makes decisions, the better you can communicate with them in a language they understand and can embrace.
- My focus is on how buyers buy, not how to sell.
- Talk so your buyer says: “Wow, I feel comfortable with you!”
“I’ve discovered that there are four different ways that people are hardwired, and they communicate and make decisions based on one of four personality styles. And they actually coordinate with the quadrants of the brain. And so, when you speak to people in general, it turns out that you’re only connecting maybe 25 % of the time with someone. The other 75%, you’re not speaking their language. Hence, your words fall flat, and you’re not making connections. ” – NANCY
“I was born a psychologist. It’s true. My parents had a stormy marriage, and I was the youngest child, the only girl in this family. And I watched these adults and my older brothers. I mean, everybody was in a tizzy. And so, I was watching all of this, trying to figure out my place in this, you know, family. And it turns out that around the age of 10, I saw a TV show with an idea of how to get people to get along. So, I tried it on my folks. And I did, and they let me, which is a surprise, but I think it indicates, Nancy, just how distraught they were with their own relationship. Or maybe they saw something in their daughter that suggested I could help them. At the end of this conversation, I turned to my Dad; both parents were present, and both were native-born, English-speaking adults. I translated and said to my Dad, “This is what Mom needs you to do so she’ll feel loved.” And I turned to my Mom and said, “And this is what Dad needs for you to do so he will feel respected.” And notice the words changed, and that’s because Mom was the I in DISC. She was the one who needed lots of love, attention, you know, that sort of thing. And Dad was much more the S. He needed respect. He needed a system.” – NANCY
“Well, spirituality is definitely a big part of who I am. I may have majored in psychology, but I minored in philosophy. So, I’ve always been intrigued by understanding, you know, what’s the meaning of it all and, you know, what’s going on behind me. And, by the way, that’s very typical of the I. The I tends to be one of those, you know, thinking in the stratosphere and thinking about doing things of significance beyond self. And so, spirituality to me is important because it allows me to connect again in an authentic way, to bring my heart, not just my head, into the sales conversation. So, I bring all of me. Does that make sense?” – NANCY
Connect with Nancy Zare:
- LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/nancyzare/
- Rapport Builderz: https://rapportbuilderz.com/
Try Our Proven, 3-Step System, Guaranteeing Accountability and Transparency that Drives RESULTS by clicking on this link: https://oneofakindsales.com/call-center-in-a-box/
Connect with Nancy Calabrese:
- Twitter:https://twitter.com/oneofakindsales
- Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/One-Of-A-Kind-Sales-304978633264832/
- Website:https://oneofakindsales.com
- Phone: 908-879-2911
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ncalabrese/
- Email: leads@oneofakindsales.com
Voiceover: You’re listening to The Conversational Selling Podcast with Nancy Calabrese.
Nancy Calabrese: Hi, it’s Nancy Calabrese, and it’s time again for Conversational selling – the podcast where sales leaders and business experts share what’s going on in sales and marketing today. And it always starts with the human conversation. Today, we’re speaking with Nancy Zare, a certified sales trainer and a creator of the Likability system, where she shows service -based professionals how to turn over 50 % of prospects into clients. Nancy is a sales psychologist holding an MSW in organizational planning and development and a PhD in social work and organizational development from Boston College. She is also a founder of multiple ventures, including Rapport Builders and that builders ends with a Z which helps salespeople develop relationships with prospects that lead to new business. She helps her clients learn the right words and know the right approach to attract new business without appearing salesy. Welcome to the show, Nancy. I’m so excited to have you and I love that I’m speaking with another Nancy.
Nancy Zare: Well, me too, Nancy. It is delightful. So, audience, all you have to do is think Nancy and you got it right. [1:37]
Nancy Calabrese: Okay. Why don’t we jump into this? What are the right words and the right approach to attract new business? What have you discovered?
Nancy Zare: So I’ve discovered that there are four different ways that people are hardwired and they communicate and make decisions based upon one of four personality styles. And they actually coordinate with the quadrants of the brain. And so, when you speak to people in general, it turns out that you’re only connecting maybe 25 % of the time with someone. The other 75%, you’re not speaking their language. Hence your words fall flat and you’re not making connections. Have you found that to be true too? [2:27]
Nancy Calabrese: Well, I know that there are four different communication styles and the trick in sales is to pick up what the prospect’s communication style is and match it as best as you can.
Nancy Zare: Perfect. That’s exactly what I excel in. And I help my clients figure out the other person’s, their prospect’s style in a short minute. And once you know their style, like you said, Nancy, now we’re ready to speak their language, connect quickly and authentically, which then can translate into doing business together. [3:03]
Nancy Calabrese: Yeah. So how do you teach them? How can they pick it up so quickly?
Nancy Zare: So here are the six different ways that we go over. The first is how are people dressed? People dress differently based upon their style. As you know, there’s someone who’s flamboyant and looks like a peacock and looks like they want your attention. And then there’s the person who’s very receding and they’re very modest. And then there’s the person who’s classic, right? They’re wearing exactly the right outfit. And then unfortunately there’s the person who doesn’t care and they may look a little rumpled or out of date. So right away, those are the four styles. [3:43]
Nancy Calabrese: Okay. And so give me an example of the right word for somebody that doesn’t care.
Nancy Zare: So the person who doesn’t care tends to care a lot about content and a lot about information. They like to geek out on content. And hence, you want to talk about information. You want to give them data and statistics, explanation, science, logic. This is the person who usually cares more about ROI, return on investment. Hence, you want to explain how investing in your service, or your product will net them more value over the long run. That is the, I don’t care what I look like, buyer. [4:29]
Nancy Calabrese: Okay. Interesting. Are you familiar with disc?
Nancy Zare: I sure am.
Nancy Calabrese: Yep. So, would you describe that persona to be a C compliance.
Nancy Zare: Yes, Nancy, you and I. C for Calabrese, right? Right.
Nancy Calabrese: Wow. Well, give us examples of the other quadrants.
Nancy Zare: OK, so the D, which is driver in the disk term. This is the person who is that peacock he wants or she wants to be noticed. Take a look at me. I look tremendous. And they take close attention to what they wear. And by the way, they probably have a closet just for their shoes. And then we’ve got the I. An I, the disc is that person who is very influential and chatty and talkative and they enjoy people. And this person is more crunchy granola. They like to wear casual, comfortable clothing. They tend to go towards the pastel colors towards earth tones, slip on shoes and love to be comfortable. And then finally, our number six is that tasteful conservative person who is dressed just a little bit more formally than the Cajun might acquire because they of course want to do what’s right. [5:55]
Nancy Calabrese: Right. Really interesting. So when did you become a psychologist?
Nancy Zare: I was born a psychologist. It’s true. My parents had a stormy marriage, and I was the youngest child, the only girl in this family. And I watched these adults and my older brothers. I mean, everybody was in a tizzy. And, and so I was watching all of this, trying to figure out my place in this, you know, family. And, and it turns out that around the age of 10, I saw a TV show in which there was an idea of how to get people to get along. So, I tried it on my folks. And I didn’t, and they actually let me, which is a surprise, but I think it indicates, Nancy, just how distraught they were with their own relationship. Or maybe they saw something in their daughter that suggested I could help them. At the end of this conversation, I turned to my dad, both parents were present, and both were native born speaking, you know, English speaking adults. I translated and I said to my dad, this is what mom needs for you to do so she’ll be loved. And I turned to my mom, and I said, and this is what dad needs for you to do so he will be respected. And notice the words changed and that’s because mom was the number, was the I in DISC. She was the one who needed lots of love, attention, you know, that sort of thing. And dad was much more the S. He needed respect. He needed a system. [7:31]
Nancy Calabrese: Wow. Holy cow. So how do you combine psychology with sales? I think sales is all about psychology, but what are your thoughts on it?
Nancy Zare: You know, I totally agree with you. And, you know, I’m sure that the listeners are also thinking about it too, because the more you understand how that prospect, how that buyer makes decisions the better you’re able to communicate with them in a language that they understand and can embrace. And so I backdoored into selling. Nancy, I’m like you, I have to tell you, I’m not a maven when it comes to selling. I struggled, I did okay, but I wasn’t doing as well as I wanted to. Turns out the government paid for my graduate studies and they wanted me to learn how to implement mental health services in the workplace, which was a great combination for someone studying psychology. But as it turned out, when I graduated, you can’t implement a program until it’s sold. And that’s how I found myself in a sales position, having to sell businesses on the concept of supporting the mental health of their workers. Right. [8:48]
Nancy Calabrese: Wow. You know, I’m looking at your background. You have a lot of organizational experience, right? Planning, development, but where did psychology fill in, you know, become a part of this?
Nancy Zare: you can’t possibly work with people without the psychology piece, right? So I majored in psychology as an undergrad. As far as I can tell, social work and organizational development is all about understanding people and hence psychology. [9:23]
Nancy Calabrese: Yeah. Talk about your, I guess, product line, a likeability system. What is that about?
Nancy Zare: I’m glad you asked. And by the way, for people listening, it’s not likeability, which is about popularity. It’s alike. It’s having your prospects say to themselves, wow, we’re on the same page, you’re talking words that I understand, hence we’re alike. And so, the likeability system is a skill that raises the feelings, the thoughts within the other person, your prospect, that you get me, we’re alike. [10:03]
Nancy Calabrese: Okay. Well, describe the system and what do you do with this?
Nancy Zare: Well, I have a recipe, a formula that people can follow. And it starts with identifying the four different styles. The second is to know your own style. Why is that? Because why is that important? Because we tend to sell the way we buy. We project onto the prospect the way we make decisions. And remember, there are four styles. Hence, only one out of four times are we going to be correct. And maybe even less than that because, you know, people are kind of a mixture of all styles. That’s the step two then is know yourself. Step three is to diagnose the other person. And as I mentioned, we do it by looking at how they dress, how they speak, how they write, how they post on social media, how they behave, so forth. The fourth step is now when you need to shift, deliberately shift and consciously think about and say the words or do the things that will allow that person to say, wow, you get me, we’re alike. And then, and by the way, you’re not changing yourself. You’re just using the words, the terms that connect authentically with your prospect. And the last, and the last step is you got to downplay or even rein in the parts of yourself that are not matched to your prospect so that you stay in rapport. [11:30]
Nancy Calabrese: Did we discuss, I don’t think we discussed the buying styles. Did you share them earlier?
Nancy Zare: Well, the buying styles, like you said, disc is the person, is the personality system you’re familiar with. Right. As it turns out after 35 years of research, not my own, but colleagues, these four styles can be identified by the number of contacts that they need before making a decision. And contacts include video conference call, phone calls, emails, other kinds of digital communication. But of course, the most effective communication is real time communication. And so, we’ve labeled them two, four, six, and eight. Our D is the number two. They take only one, at most two contacts. Whereas the C is eight. They take eight or more contacts, turn the eight on its side, it’s the symbol for infinity. So yeah, two, four, six and eight, that’s how I call the buying styles. [12:40]
Nancy Calabrese: What’s your buying style?
Nancy Zare: Well, I’m a combination of all of them, just like we all are, but I’m very much a high eye. Did you not know, Nancy, I’m a high I? As you are, of course. I’m also a high D. I bet you are too. Yep. Yep. I’m a D. I. Well, I’m an I. D. But I’m also an I. D. C. My C is very high as well. So I’m one of those rare birds that scores high on three out of four dimensions.
Nancy Calabrese: Wow. Wow. And so we tapped on this too. Figuring out somebody’s buying style is about how they dress, the words that they choose to use, their ability to stay zoned in a conversation, right? A D person has no patience. They just want to get it done. Get it done.
Nancy Zare: That’s right. That’s right. Get it off my plate, bottom line. What are you going to do for me? Right.
Nancy Calabrese: How do you use spirituality to communicate better and why does that come into play?
Nancy Zare: Well, spirituality is definitely a big part of who I am. I may have majored in psychology, but I minored in philosophy. So, I’ve always been intrigued by understanding, you know, what’s the meaning of it all and you know, what’s going on behind me. And by the way, that’s very typical of the I. The I tends to be one of those, you know, thinking in the stratosphere and thinking about doing things of significance beyond self. And so, spirituality to me is important because it allows me to connect again on an authentic way to bring my heart, not just my head into the sales conversation. So, I bring all of me. Does that make sense? [14:45]
Nancy Calabrese: Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I don’t really think much about spirituality as it relates to communication personally.
Nancy Zare: Yeah, it’s a way to feel connected heart to heart. So for example, you and I are right now we are connected on this di ID level, right? Right. Because we both have this high energy and this we care about people. I mean, you wouldn’t I mean, you you created this podcast. Nancy, because of the fact that you want to serve others and you want, obviously, for people to recognize who you are and your contributions. [15:19]
Nancy Calabrese: Right. Yeah. Well, actually, I did it during COVID. I had to figure out a way to keep in front of my audience. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve made because I’ve met so many wonderful people, including you, Nancy. And I learned during each and every podcast something new. What is your unique idea that is different and sets you apart, Nancy?
Nancy Zare: So my focus is on how buyers buy, not how to sell. And so, I’ve talked to a lot of people in sales, coaching, training, consulting. And you can think about it too, Nancy. Most people are approaching it from the point of view of what the seller needs to do. How do we start a conversation? How do we develop the relationship? How do we overcome objections and so forth? Well, I’m presenting it from the point of view of your buyer. Talk so your buyer listens. Talk so your buyer says, wow, I feel comfortable with you. You get me and hence we can do business together. So, I think that’s how I’m different from others. [16:33]
Nancy Calabrese: Yeah. Tell me something that’s true that almost nobody agrees with you on.
Nancy Zare: That I think would be impossible because there’s, you know, people are contrarians and all that kind of stuff. But what do I, well, you know, nothing’s really popping into my mind right away, Nancy. Sorry, I’m sorry about that. [16:58]
Nancy Calabrese: No, that’s fine. You know, maybe it will pop in later and you can get back to me. And then finally, is there anything in particular you want to spotlight in this discussion?
Nancy Zare: Well, I want the people listening, your audience to really think about the fact that it isn’t about me when you walk into a sales conversation, it’s about your prospect. And the more you can get yourself out of the equation and focus on supporting and helping them, the more likely it will be that you’re rendering a good service. And even if the person chooses to, you know, not not buy your product or service immediately. The fact that you have listened to them, asked good questions, helped them focus on what, you know, to help them better articulate and understand what the problem is. And you’re offering a solution even if they didn’t, you know, go ahead and accept it. You have done them a service. And so if people take nothing else away from this, I would encourage you. Focus on the other person, take yourself out of the equation, you know, and maybe that’s also the message that’s a little different than what other people say as well. [18:17]
Nancy Calabrese: Yeah, yeah. And so when somebody engages your services, how much time do they need to really get the light bulb to go off to have this become natural?
Nancy Zare: That’s a great question because again, two, four, six, and eight. Our aides need to take a deep nosedive into the subject matter and learn it all. And so for them, you know, they’ve got to plunge in. Our two, on the other hand, again, the D from the desk, they don’t actually want to learn it. They would prefer a done -for -use system, which is what I offer. And so rather than any light bulbs going off for them, the light bulb is, I got the client. They signed up. And so, you know, for them that light bulb can happen within one contact, two contacts of our getting together. [19:11]
Nancy Calabrese: Wow, amazing. You’re a fascinating lady, Nancy. You know, I can’t believe we’re up with time. How can my audience find you?
Nancy Zare: Well, they can certainly go to my website and LinkedIn, Nancy Zare, and the last name rhymes with care, it’s spelled Z for the last letter of the alphabet, Z -A -R -E. Or go to Nancy Zare at LinkedIn, linkedin .com slash in slash Nancy Zare. I love it.
Nancy Calabrese: You’re the sales whisperer.
Nancy Zare: I am. And again, I don’t know any other whispers out there, do you? [19:51]
Nancy Calabrese: No, I know you.
Nancy Zare: There you go.
Nancy Calabrese: All right. Well, folks, what a fun discussion. And you know, Nancy really brings to mind the importance of understanding your prospects communication style. Take advantage of her expertise if you want to up your sales. I mean, if you have a chance to close 50 % more of your business, what’s holding you back? So, Nancy, you were a wonderful guest and perhaps we can do this another time, but I really appreciate you being on the show.
Nancy Zare: And likewise, your lucky audience, you’ve got a gem here. Keep following Nancy.
Nancy Calabrese: To everyone out there, make it a great sales day and we’ll see you next time. [20:39]
