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About Merit Kahn: Merit Kahn, CEO of SELLect Sales Development, author of Myth Shift: Challenging the Truths That Sabotage Success, co-host of The Smarter Sales Show podcast. Merit is a certified emotional intelligence coach and certified speaking professional with over 25 years of experience. Throughout her career, Merit has worked with a variety of individuals, including salespeople, entrepreneurs, and professionals, as well as sales teams. She helps them shift their approach from selling to being chosen by their ideal clients. In her spare time, she is a stand-up comedian counting down the days until she trades in her title “single parent” for “empty nester.” Check out the latest episode of our Conversational Selling podcast to learn more about Merit.

In this episode, Nancy and Merit discuss the following:

  • Sandler Training in Merit’s life.
  • You need to be selective about the clients that you bring in.
  • Have you ever felt like you were pushing against the tide when what you really want is to be open to receiving more business success?
  • Nobody believes they’re close-minded, right?
  • What prompted Merit to writing Myth Shift?
  • Is the strategy of having an open mind to absorb new information and then pivot when necessary correct?
  • Why do so many of us sabotage success?
  • Interesting story about Emotional Intelligence.
  • Fun fact about Merit.
  • How can my people reach you?

Key Takeaways: 

  • Our core philosophy really is that selling is not about being pushy or aggressive, it’s about being selected.
  • The truth is we must dramatically open the client’s hand to illustrate the point that we have to open someone’s mind so that they can receive our value.
  • My first role is to open their mind to new possibilities because, and one of the best questions for that is, have you already decided it can’t get any better or are you open to a new possibility?
  • Really the total intention of my keynotes, my programs, my coaching, my consulting work, the whole essence is around open minds and closed deals.
  • As I got more and more experience in the world, I realized that at face value, those lessons didn’t really serve me the way that they were written.
  • Instead of just changing my mind willy-nilly or flip-flopping, which also has a negative connotation in the marketplace, I would consider that new information and then I made a new decision.
  • I think when people sabotage their own success, they’re certainly not doing it consciously.
  • And what I learned was that there was this foundation of emotions, how well we understand our emotions and the impact we have on other people that was very different with these two.
  • You and I know that the most important thing you could do with a question that a prospect asks you is fine out why they asked you that.
  • The most scientifically validated assessment tool on the market, I use a system through assessment through MHS, which is multi-health systems, and they’re fantastic.
  • I can open your mind to new possibilities in ways that I’m not even able to do with you know, expertise and credibility and training and coaching, but I can do it with laughter.

“Our core philosophy really is that selling is not about being pushy or aggressive, it’s about being selected. So we really teach people to stop selling and start getting selected. And how you do that is really by Asking good questions, having good conversations, as you well know, it’s not about what you say, it’s about the questions that you ask. And those questions help your prospects understand that you are credible and confident, and you can solve their problems. And that’s when they select you. And the second piece of it really is you want to be selected by them, but you also want to make sure that you’re selecting every single one of your ideal clients because you’re going to put a lot of effort and energy. ” – Merit

“And the way that I distinguish marketing and sales is marketing is everything that happens before you’re in a conversation. Once you’re in a conversation, you’re in the sales part of the process. And what you don’t wanna do is send somebody ” – Merit

“What I took from that when I read that study was, we all want to be perceived as open-minded. So how can we use that to our advantage? Not in a manipulative sale, you know, pushy way, but to recognize that I need to appeal to your bill, your desire to appear open-minded and once I remind you of that desire then you are inclined to agree with that. And now you’re more likely to hear my value. And whether we select to work with each other or not, from there is a different story, but I promise you, you will not sell or close a deal to a closed mind.” – Merit

Connect with Merit Kahn, CSP:

Try Our Proven, 3-Step System, Guaranteeing Accountability and Transparency that Drives RESULTS by clicking on this link: https://oneofakindsales.com/call-center-in-a-box/

Connect with Nancy Calabrese: 

Voiceover: You’re listening to The Conversational Selling Podcast with Nancy Calabrese.

Nancy Calabrese: Hi everyone, it’s Nancy Calabrese and it’s time again for Conversational Selling, the podcast where sales leaders and business experts share what’s going on in sales and marketing today and it always starts with the human conversation. Today we’re speaking with Merit Kahn, the CEO of Sellect, sales development, author of Myth Shift, Challenging the Truths that Sabotage Success, and co-host of the Smarter Sales Show podcast. Merritt is a certified emotional intelligence coach and certified speaking professional with over 25 years of experience. And throughout her career, Merit has worked with a variety of individuals, including CEOs, salespeople, entrepreneurs, as well as sales teams. And she helps them shift their approach from selling to being chosen by their ideal clients. So, look, if you’re looking for some practical tips and inspiring insights on leadership and business growth, this is gonna be a great show to listen to. Welcome to the show, Merit. [1:22]

Merit Kahn: Thank you, Nancy. I appreciate the invitation to be here.

Nancy Calabrese: Yeah, I’m so excited. So, on a side note, everyone, I just found out that Merit is Sandler trained like I am. So, this is really going to be a fun memory lane for you, Merit.

Merit Kahn: Yep. I was a Sandler trainer and coach for about a dozen years. So, it’s a part of how I work.

Nancy Calabrese: Well, we definitely talk the same language. And let’s start with a comment that you say or made. So, helping clients shift their approach from selling to being chosen by their ideal clients. How does that happen? [2:06]

Merit Kahn: Well, a little backstory, that’s actually why we call a company Select Sales. We spell it S-E-L-L-E-C-T, not because we don’t know how to spell the word select, but because our core philosophy really is that selling is not about being pushy or aggressive, it’s about being selected. So we really teach people to stop selling and start getting selected. And how you do that is really by Asking good questions, having good conversations, as you well know, it’s not about what you say, it’s about the questions that you ask. And those questions help your prospects understand that you are credible and confident, and you can solve their problems. And that’s when they select you.

Nancy Calabrese: Yep. It’s funny. This is this just happened yesterday in our Sandler class. It was topic was scarcity and sales. One of the questions the coach asked was how many of you in this class want to write every account that gets in front of you. And most of the people raised their hands. I didn’t because I think you need to be selective about. the clients that you bring in. Do you agree with that? [3:24]

Merit Kahn: 100%. And that’s the second piece of it really is you of course want to be selected by them, but you also want to make sure that you’re selecting every single one of your ideal clients because you’re going to put a lot of effort and energy. My clients are generally in businesses where they sell something complex, creative or custom. So, that’s not a click here, buy now kind of an offer. their effort, their time, their expertise. And if you’re working with somebody who’s really not a good fit in terms of who you’re best suited to work with or the solutions that you provide in the marketplace, it’s ultimately not gonna be your best work. And that doesn’t lead to the referrals and introductions that you want to grow your business more easily in the future.

Nancy Calabrese: Sure. Yeah, in that case, nobody’s happy.

Merit Kahn: Exactly. [4:25]

Nancy Calabrese: The team isn’t happy, the client isn’t happy, and it’s just, and we all make those mistakes from time to time. As much as I try to pick the right clients, we slip on banana peels sometimes.

Merit Kahn: Well, and let’s be honest in the real world, sometimes you’re going to take some clients on because the business requires it, right? Like it’s a sales, it’s about the bottom line. There’s, there’s money involved. You have to be thinking about your revenue goals. And, and sometimes, sometimes we do that. Sometimes it’s required and the way that you would get around that is, okay, this may not be my ideal prospect, but how can I set expectations so that we’re working together in appropriate ways and in ways that best suit each other. So sometimes, you know, there’s other aspects of selecting the ways that you work with people. [5:25]

Nancy Calabrese: Yeah, so you asked the question, I think it’s on your website, have you ever felt like you were pushing against the tide when what you really want is to be open to receiving more business success? I mean, how do we do that?

Merit Kahn: Well, I would say so many of my clients over the years just have complained and they’ve been frustrated by, at some point or another, they feel like they’re talking to a brick wall, right? They’re just, they know they have solutions that solve problems, and they can’t seem to get into the conversation. So, it’s, you know, a lot of times people will say to me, Merit, I’m great once I’m face to face with somebody, it’s just getting those conversations. And they look at that as solely a marketing challenge. And of course, it is partly a marketing challenge. And the way that I distinguish marketing and sales is marketing is everything that happens before you’re in a conversation. Once you’re in a conversation, you’re in the sales part of the process. And what you don’t wanna do is send somebody backwards to marketing like, hey, did you see our website? Like… Don’t do that. You’re in a conversation. [6:38]

Nancy Calabrese: Right.

Merit Kahn: Have the conversation. Um, what I was finding was people were not, um, well trained in how do you open the minds of somebody to receive your value? So as an example, I’ll paint the picture for you. When I do a, uh, a keynote at a large conference or sales kickoff or company retreat, one of the very first things I do in my, in the opening of the program. is I have a volunteer on stage, and we do this whole song and dance about, you know, whether or not they’ve ever been in a fist fight and I have them make a fist. Well, that fist represents your prospect’s closed mind. And then I say, I say, Hey, Nancy, have you brought, did you bring your wallet? [7:20] And then

Nancy Calabrese: You’re right.

Merit Kahn: We have a little chuckle about money and things, but ultimately somehow we get a, a high denomination bill and I take that bill and I say, Okay, this hundred dollar bill represents all the value you have to give. This is your great customer service, your years of credibility, all the things. Right. But if I try to jam that dollar bill into that closed fist, what happens? Nothing.

Nancy Calabrese: Nothing. [7:49]

Merit Kahn: And we do that all day long. We’re trying to, to cram our good value, all of our features and our benefits, you know, back in the old days, we tried to do that, but like all this stuff, all the good stuff into someone’s closed mind. And the truth is we have to dramatically open their hand to, you know, to illustrate the point that we have to open someone’s mind so that they can receive our value. And, and it’s very simple, honestly, it could be as simple as four words, which are, are you open to? It could, you know, there are other ways that I work with clients, um, to help them get in the head space where they have to remind themselves, I’ve got to open my mind to new possibilities. And then my first role is to open their mind to new possibilities because, and one of the best questions for that is, have you already decided it can’t get any better or are you open to a new possibility? [8:48]

Nancy Calabrese: Wow.

Merit Kahn: And. When you ask somebody that question, they literally have to stop in their tracks and go, Oh yeah, I guess I’m open to something new. Cause nobody wants to say they’re closed minded. So yeah.

Nancy Calabrese: Right. Interesting. Nobody believes they’re close-minded, right?

Merit Kahn: Right. Yeah. Well, actually there was a study done by Pepperdine University a number of years ago, and they asked people, are you open-minded? And, you know, everybody says yes. And then they asked, do you consider yourself more open-minded than the average person? And 95% of people in that survey self-reported, yes, I am more open-minded than the average person. I don’t know where you went to school, Nancy, but that math does not work, not even new math. So… Um, you know, but what I took from that when I read that study was we all want to be perceived as open-minded. So how can we use that to our advantage? Not in a manipulative sale, you know, pushy way, but to recognize that I need to appeal to your bill, your desire to appear open-minded and once I remind you of that desire. then you are inclined to agree with that. And now you’re more likely to hear my value. And whether or not we select to work with each other from there is a different story, but I promise you, you will not sell or close a deal to a closed mind. [10:25] And that’s why

Nancy Calabrese: Huh

Merit Kahn: really the total intention of my keynotes, my programs, my coaching, my consulting work, The whole essence is around open minds, closed deals.

Nancy Calabrese: Wow, let’s talk about your book, Myth Shift. I mean, what prompted you to write it?

Merit Kahn: I wrote that back in 2016 and, you know, I, I just was frustrated myself because there were so many things that I remember being told when I was starting my business and starting my career. And, and as I got more and more experience in the world, I realized that at face value, those lessons didn’t really serve me the way that they were written. And so I looked at the things that I was taught are the truisms in business. And I looked at them from different angles and decided that there was a slight shift that was necessary. So for example, one of the things that, and you know this, cause you work with leaders as well, leaders wanna be strong decision makers, right? It’s powerful and it’s good to make quick decisions. you know, decisions that we stick to. And once we stick to it, we’re just going to stick to it no matter what, right? Because we’re go-getters and we’re going to power through. Well, I don’t know about you, but that was terrible advice for me. You know, sometimes it worked, but it wasn’t foolproof. And what I discovered was, you know, I call it the stick to it myth. And that is where you’re, you stick to it no matter what. But what I realized was that sometimes new information came into my experience. that would have rendered the decision that I made useless. [12:12] And

Nancy Calabrese: Right.

Merit Kahn: So, I looked at that from different angles and I thought, you know, instead of just changing my mind willy-nilly or flip-flopping, which also has a negative connotation in the marketplace, I would consider that new information and then I made a new decision. So, I don’t know if I came up with this term or if I heard it and was swirling around in my subconscious. But

Nancy Calabrese: Great.

Merit Kahn: I learned to re-decide. And I love giving leaders that distinction because it gives them the language to change the course of direction without feeling like they’re not a good decisive leader. And so, yeah, and so the mechanics of selling, when I teach somebody what to actually say, I would say in that situation, look, based on the information that we had available to us at the time that I made this decision, this was exactly the right move. Since then, I’ve been made aware of new information and because of that, I’ve made a new decision. I’ve re-decided our game plan, our position, our goal, our objective, whatever, and this is the direction we’re taking. And if you’re somebody on that team, when they deliver that change, of course, and they change of direction, in that way, that still occurs to you as powerful. And so that’s an example of shifting the myth. [13:41]

Nancy Calabrese: Well, talk about being open-minded, right? That ties right back into what we just spoke about, having an open mind to absorb new information and then pivot when necessary, right?

Merit Kahn: Exactly. Yes.

Nancy Calabrese: So why do so many of us sabotage success?

Merit Kahn: I think when people sabotage their own success, they’re certainly not doing it consciously. I think most of that comes from the foundation that we layer all of our skills on top of. This was one of the things that I had to look outside of my Sandler training to find just something else because what happened to me was as a trainer, I had two guys in my class, Steven and Daniel, and they both were hired by the same company. at the same time, they sold in the same territory, the same products and services at the same price point. Like literally, I even thought these guys looked alike. Okay, like everything was the same. And then they sat in my class and they learned the same material from the same trainer at the same time. Except Steven would come back week after week after week, like, oh my gosh, Merritt, you won’t believe this. I had this other success story. you know, blah, blah, blah. And then Daniel was sitting there and listening to his colleague and getting more and more frustrated every week because he was not having the same success. [15:04]

Nancy Calabrese: Right.

Merit Kahn: And so that was a real, uh, that was a difficult moment for me as a coach and trainer, because, you know, I, I really believed in my process. I still believe in that methodology. I, I really love what I did. I really wanted to make a difference for people, but I couldn’t take credit for Stephen’s success if I also didn’t take responsibility for the fact that Daniel didn’t do much with it, that forced me to look. What else is there? What’s the difference between these two guys? That’s when I got certified in emotional intelligence. And what I learned was that there was this foundation of emotions, how well we understand our emotions and the impact we have on other people that was very different with these two. Daniel did not have any impulse control. So, I went and I taught him all the wonderful questioning techniques that we teach. And instead of using those in the real world, as soon as a prospect asked Daniel a question, he just blurted out the answer. Well, you and I know that the most important thing you could do with a question that a prospect asks you is fine out why they asked you that. [16:18]

Nancy Calabrese: Right. Yep.

Merit Kahn: So, you’ve got to have enough impulse control to wait on your answer to ask another question. And what I learned when I did an emotional intelligence, the most scientifically validated assessment tool on the market, I use a system through, assessment through MHS, which is multi-health systems, and they’re fantastic. And once I learned and saw on paper Daniel’s impulse control, and some of the other things that there’s 15 attributes we assess for, that’s when I could see the very clear difference between Stephen and Daniel. And what that allowed me to do as a coach was tailor my coaching so that I could work with Daniel on, in Sandler’s terms, it would be upfront contracts. [17:11] I talk about that now in my business as setting expectations, but I could teach him things to say in that. early part of a sales conversation so that he was giving himself permission to ask questions. I gave him strategies to interrupt himself when he found himself blurting out an answer too soon. And so that really helped him. And sure enough, then he started to see some of the same success that Stephen had. But that was when I learned that it wasn’t just about the mechanics of selling. It wasn’t just about what I was teaching people to say. It was about their mindset. and how they think and yeah, so.

Nancy Calabrese: Yeah, you know, sales is fascinating to me and everybody’s different. You really have to understand their communication style, you know, what motivates them. And that’s an interesting story. Are you in touch with these gentlemen at all? [18:10]

 

Merit Kahn: I kept in touch with Stephen for a number of years after our business relationship was over. I’m sure we’re still LinkedIn friends. But now that you mentioned it, no one’s asked me that for a while, so maybe I’ll reach back out and see how they’re doing today.

Nancy Calabrese: Stephen, look out for your friend here. She’s going to be touching base with you.

Merit Kahn: Yeah, exactly.

Nancy Calabrese: You know what? We’re almost up with time, but you were such a fun lady. Share a fun fact about you. [18:42]

Merit Kahn: Fun fact about me is in my spare time, my spare 17 minutes every week, I love to perform standup comedy and I wrote a one woman inspiring comedy show that I performed a few times in Denver, where I live. I perform it regularly in Denver and I love it and I’m going to be taking that show on tour. So. Uh, you know, my list and let me, and then be alerted for where the comedy shows are coming, but, uh, that’s, that’s really one of my, my, the loves of my life, it’s a, it’s a passion of mine because I also learned that as a person who wants to help people see more possibilities for themselves, um, you know, my two entry points are business. Um, but also, but also laughter. And so if I can laugh, I can open you. I can open your mind to new possibilities in ways that I’m not even able to do with you know, expertise and credibility and training and coaching, but I can do it with laughter. [19:47]

 

Nancy Calabrese: That’s an excellent combination. You have to have fun. Laughter is so important, especially in sales. So I’m here smiling away. I don’t know about

Merit Kahn: Okay.

Nancy Calabrese: You folks out there, but you bring a smile to my face. So how can my people find you?

Merit Kahn: The hub of all things is my website. So it’s meritcon.com, M-E-R-I-T, just like a certificate. Con is K-A-H-N, so not like Genghis, but the other way.

Nancy Calabrese: Hahaha

Merit Kahn: And yeah, just go there. There’s a let’s talk button on that page. And I would say if I’ve inspired you, if you’re curious about your emotional intelligence or you’re planning a conference and you really need a dynamic speaker who’s gonna match the caliber of your audience, love to talk and so just book some time on my calendar. [20:35]

Nancy Calabrese: Awesome. I wanna thank you, Merit. I know this is the first time we’ve spoken. Hopefully it’ll be the beginning of a long-term business relationship and you’ll come back on the show.

Merit Kahn: I would love that. Thank you, Nancy.

Nancy Calabrese: Well, you’re very welcome. And for everyone out there, press that Let’s Talk button. Get her on the phone. She’s fabulous. And she will make you laugh. So, happy sales for everyone out there. And we’ll see you next time. [21:05]